let loose

It has felt good, these past two days, to dust off and bring out some old friends: paint and brushes and blank canvases. I have blissfully listened to podcasts and played with my 12-year-old soul. To let go of perfectionist me (the loudest voice) and embrace the ‘art for no reason at all’. To let loose and just play. Beauty is in the eye…and all that jazz.

In the middle of all that blissful playing, my cousin called. To be technical, she is the daughter of my father’s first cousin. (I’ll try to post our cute selves in matching dresses on Insta-stories.) Why is it we know with some phone calls, the message will not be easy? Marcy told me about her father (a true life Tom Selleck, police chief, 6’6″ man) & his fall & his dementia & his eventual death, just a few hours before. Marcy’s voice broke. Even at 92, some men seem forever invincible. We talked about memories and Marcy told me the specifics of the last hours at her father’s side. He struggled then rallied and finally seemed to ‘be doing better’. Marcy knew her time with him was limited. She held his hand as she spoke, telling him she knew he’d be meeting his Lord soon. She smiled when she told him that “Mom is probably holding dinner for you.” He seemed to get a little agitated until finally Marcy assured him: “Dad. If you’re seeing something beautiful, you need to go to it.” And with that, he left.

Letting loose is so difficult in this life of holding on. We know how to grasp & cling so much more than we know how to live calmly & without care. 

I picked up my paint brush again. It has felt good to move toward colors I’ve left on the sidelines for too long. To resist fad & embrace fun. To let loose. To move toward something beautiful. To just go.

I wish that for you, my friends. Trends and fads and algorithms are exciting to chase. They really are! But as Erin said in her book, ‘Chasing Slow’, “…slow down, Erin. You’ve got a race to lose.” It’s worth stepping out of the race occasionally. To set down the instant gratification of likes & follows and let yourself run through a field of Beautiful. Move toward it. It’s time.